READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
you will always have a special place in my vag
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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