Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
