Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
