it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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