I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
