The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
