the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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