just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
