I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Randomize
