When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
she pinky promised me she was 18
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
