Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Woke up backwards on a recliner
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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