I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
