Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
