his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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