oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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