This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
