just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
