you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
