TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
