did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
