frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Randomize
