ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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