Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I want to make a zoo with you.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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