Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
