i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
He has the fingertips of a God
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