If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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