theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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