Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
