WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
When are your genitals available?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
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