i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
