after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
