Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
