is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
