I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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