Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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