You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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