That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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