If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
