I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
