every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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