Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
