What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
