wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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