It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
