I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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