so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Randomize
