I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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