sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
