Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
