I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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